do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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