yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize