# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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