I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
