About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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