I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
