my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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