I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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