That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
