It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
