Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
