New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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