So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
