The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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