I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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