dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
