Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize