Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
