the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize