I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
operation have a gay friend backfired
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
