This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
