I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
