You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
