butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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