Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
