we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
