I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you win again, gameday.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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