dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
