I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i drank out of a bidet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just forgot I was standing up.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
