Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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