i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
