I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
