I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
