Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
