he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
