i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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