Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
