Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize