I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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