so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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