last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
