i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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