it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
