he wants to bone in the snuggie
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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