We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
