I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
