Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
