In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
