Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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