So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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