It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize