According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
