i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
