Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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