he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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