question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
