OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
