and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Everclear isn't food dammit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
