I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He did a backflip because drugs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
