I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
