I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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